I went for a job interview today.
The interviewer asked me, “What’s your biggest weakness?”
I said, “Answering the semantics of a question but ignoring the pragmatics.”
The interviewer asked, “Could you give me an example?”
I said, “Yes, I could.”

Far away in the tropical waters of Australia, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian.


The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.


Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."


Just as Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, afraid of being eaten by his old mate.


Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin realised that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.


With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.


"He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.


Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."


"Christian replied "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark, the enemy and I'll not be tricked."


Justin cried back "No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."....


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...."I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again Christian".

Haha

I bought a new paddle for my Kayak , on special .

It was quite an oardeal .

Brute wrote: .
...."I've found Cod, I'm a prawn again Christian".

almost as good as the frog joke

MESSAGE

Hi, Max. This is Richard, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. Richard.

Max, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Max then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard.

SECOND TEXT (SMS) MESSAGE:

Hi, Max. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the damn spell-check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll surely be the death of us all!

Galey wrote:MESSAGE

Hi, Max. This is Richard, next door. I've been riddled with guilt for a few months and have been trying to get up the courage to tell you face-to-face. When you're not around, I've been sharing your wife, day and night, probably much more than you. I haven't been getting it at home recently. I know that's no excuse. The temptation was just too great. I can't live with the guilt & hope you'll accept my sincere apology and forgive me. Please suggest a fee for usage and I'll pay you. Richard.

Max, feeling enraged and betrayed, grabbed his gun, went next door, and shot Richard dead. He returned home, shot his wife, poured himself a stiff drink and sat down on the sofa. Max then looked at his phone and discovered a second text message from Richard.

SECOND TEXT (SMS) MESSAGE:

Hi, Max. Richard here again. Sorry about the typo on my last text. I assume you figured it out and noticed that the damn spell-check had changed "wi-fi" to "wife." Technology, huh? It'll surely be the death of us all!

Oh thats why my neighbor said it was ok, and to use it anytime i feel the need just checking........ yup the text says "wi-fi"

Paddy fronts up to the bar and orders 4 beers. Barmen can't see anyone else but pours the 4 beers which are promptly downed by Paddy. Paddy immediately orders 4 more with the same result. Barman says to paddy that he can pull beers faster than Paddy can drink them so why 4 at a time. Paddy explains that he is drinking with his 3 brothers who are overseas in Australia, Africa, and U.S.A. A sort of a ritual drink. This goes on every few days for some weeks until one day when the barman starts to pull the beers, Paddy stops him. He tells the barman to only pull 3 beers. "bugger" thinks the barman, "one of the brothers must have died". "Commiserations to you" says the barmen. "Why" replies Paddy. "Well obviously one of your brothers must have passed away. Which one". "Oh nooo" replies Paddy, "one of us has given up drinking". "Which brother has given up", asks the barman. "Me", replied Paddy.